In Susannah Cahalan’s Bestseller Brain on Fire — My Month of Madness — chapter 14 is an intake exam from Franz Wright’s Wheeling Motel. That was an awesome amount of verbiage for a first sentence. I definitely wouldn’t recommend that as a hook for a paper.
As a way of introduction, I’m going to take the “crazy person” intake exam because I am both crazy, and a person.
Well, wait. Just so you know, this is better than the insulting amount of answers I would have to complete for my first choice, the “Proust Questionnaire,” commonly used in Vanity Fair magazine.
Here goes 1.2:
What is today’s date? November 24th.
Who is the President? Obama.
How great a danger do you pose, on a scale of one to ten? Six.
What does “people who live in glass houses” mean? People who judge (and want to be a Kardashian).
Every symphony is a suicide postponed. True or false? False.Evidence Here. Even though I really want to say true because I believe music soothes the soul. I think Michael Jackson (and the other four) and every guy from Motown would agree with me. When can you listen to Motown and be sad? I suppose symphonies are a whole other branch of music though.
Should each individual snowflake be held accountable for the avalanche? Well, since you can’t find the villain. I suppose so.
Name five rivers. Mississippi. Neuse. Eno. Nile. New.
What do you see yourself doing in ten minutes? Looking at the trending hashtags on Twitter.
How about some lovely soft Thorazine music? I feel like this is what the serial killer says to the cat.
If you could have half an hour with your father what would you say to him? He would tell me about stocks for about twenty minutes and then we would talk about what we did that day. I would probably talk too loudly about how awesome I think I am in the classroom because I’m always trying to make that man more proud.
What should you do if I fall asleep? Don’t finalize the draft. Tell me if I snore. Make up a story about what I’m dreaming.
Are you still following in his mastodon footsteps? The better question is, “Is he a wooly mammoth?” Because. then. yes.
What is the moral of “Mary Had a Little Lamb?” Stay pure, girls.
What about his Everest shadow? I think this is just beautiful to think about, but I have a feeling following shadows on Everest or standing in them probably gets you killed.
Would you compare your education to a disease so rare that no one has ever had it, or the deliberate extermination of indigenous people? So rare. Every education is a rare thing. Diamonds. Blue Diamonds. Diamonds found after the Titanic sank when old women throw them in at the end of a movie.
Which is more puzzling, the existence of suffering or its frequent absence? I believe in suffering for the good of knowing when something isn’t suffering, and for the human population to know empathy. I don’t think we quite notice its absence. Is it really ever absent? It’s a stalker. I really can’t answer this question without writing a whole blog.
Should an odd number be sacrificed to the gods of the sky, and an even to those of the underworld, or vice versa? I like the way it is. 33 is my favorite number and it should be given the honor of a sacrifice. However, what exactly would the underworld do with 33? That’s the question. Ask Taylor Swift and her permanent marker-ed 13 hand.
Would you visit a county where nobody talks? Yes, because their language could be whistling because technically that’s not the human (US human) version of talking. I learned on NPR that my grandmother – who still had the ability to whistle after she had a stroke that made her speak only in do’s (do re mi) could probably have spoken a whistle language.
What would you have done differently? I would call my brother to hang out more. I would have wished on more dandelion heads. I would have studied business. I would have worked at the YMCA summer camp FOREVER. I would have called Terry’s Mom and told her how brilliant her child is.
Why are you here? Because this is my new blog on being an educator. On the beautiful and the ugly that come out of my classroom, and other people’s mouths about my career. About being paid too little for a job so big. About loving that job no matter the pay. About chalking everything up and still not quitting to be a barista.